RIP Potty Mouth

Heard something and I just slept with it and carried it with me until it came bursting out. Ive been guilty of it and ive checked myself about it on several occasions but never enough to no longer indulge in it. While discussing it with my girls, some admit to being a victim of it but 2 similar responses caught my attention and stuck with me. I just hope it sticks even when im provoked. In relationships we feel we have to argue yell and act out all in the name of love. This proves how hard we love this person because if they really didnt matter would they evoke this emotion out of us? No they wouldnt is what one would think BUT the answer is quite opposite. Yes they would but if you are important to me and vice versa there should be a way for us to express our discomforts to each other without bringing each other down and most definitely without the insults. We have a habit of perpertuating these bad habits in relationships instead of being pro-peace, overstanding and taking the relationship to the next level and actually not indulge in bringing each other down. One girlfriend says she never comes "outta pocket" in a disagreement because shes only mad for the moment, she will get over said argument and wont say anything that will jeopardize the relationships tomorrow. My other friend said "what ive been through in the past has nothing to do with what we're fussing about now." LIGHTBULB If we cared for them in the least bit wouldnt it be then that we would have control over our tongues and hold back? Besides there is some truth to the venom being spewed because we in all honesty just want that person to feel the pain that we feel or have felt from what they've said. We just want to pass that energy back and make them feel it too. Things that sauntered through our thoughts and goods and not so goods in our relationships that we do notice that would normally be omitted from conversation because they in actuality dont build the relationship have their place to be released and its to the universe not to the important one. Dealing with situations like this ive realized that ive gotten good but good needs to get better. Im working towards not arguing PERIOD. Not with my boyfriend, bestfriend, mom, dad, sisters, brothers...you get the point. I want to master a way to express myself and not indulge in a disagreement without having the other party feel as if Im downplaying, or avoiding a situation which is what ive been faced with as of today. What ive also started doing is sending it right back. As in let it bounce off of me and let u have it. So every bad word, evil wish and sad song i sent it back to the argue-y. I am no longer a part of it. Now I am still growing so I do have the tendency to renig whenever my self esteem gets low (yea rite, like u dont have down times) and thats something that I am also dealing with. I gotta recognize my emotional "cycle" it may not help but I always apologize never sorry am I. My friends who have made this decision early appear genuinely happier than us with the potty mouth syndrome. So as a woman its time to put the potty mouth to bed. So unbecoming of us to remain so hateful, vindictive and spiteful. Im free of and from all this. Ive done my part in destroying some relationships and im done.

Losing Wait

Times a'wasting....feel like time is rushing no where fast. This is just a brief intermission on this journey of mine called "Self Realization". While I endulge in this paraphanalia I sit back and wonder what am I waiting for? Shit what are you waiting for? I have started releasing my thoughts via blog and journel to have my realities laid out in front of me and to get a better understanding of this complex gemini soul of mine. Nikki Giovanni has done it. I dont know if its brought her substantial wealth but a piece of mind beats the amount of any check. I see people sit back and say they submerge themselves in work and watch the money pile up and thats not living. Thats not life. Im not saying it doesnt work but they do what works for them and I do what works for me. I have a great job. At one point of time was top sales rep, and I was allowed an outfit every check, maintained the "bossy" look everyweek paid a carnote on a brand new car helped with the mortgage and still kept money in my pockets and in the bank. I would get off Friday and be ecstatic...until I had to go back to the planatation on Sunday depressed, upset and unhappy. I woke up one day and realized that im getting NOWHERE fast. I genuinely worked there because I got paid. Some people view this as success but I mean wheres the success in working all day to pay for a bed you cant sleep in and a house you cant live in because all your time is spent AT work? I view this as complacency. Doing overtime to make a few extra bucks uhhhhhhhhhhhhh ok. I worked in a place where there was and still is no job security and by the time I got home I took a nap, worked out did whatever and stopped in time to put my little one to sleep (Ever notice the time go by sooooooooooooooo slow at your 9to5 but seemed to fly by from 5 {or in my case 2:30} to bed time too fast?) So one day I woke up and said im tired of doing nothing. That is not my dream. My dream is to have my family and rear it. EVERYBODY knows that the American dream is not making money. The real American dream is working less and making more money. Thats where im at now. I had to really analyze my situation at the time and just STOP!!! thats it. I stopped. I wasnt happy about my situation and I wasnt doing anything about that until I stopped. Sometimes you have to go left in order to go right and right now the best way to stop being complacent was in actuality to stop. Sounds funny huh?.....Complacency is contagious and its a horrible disease to catch. From time to time I find myself in a stupor of a pickle and its not an intentional feeling you just find yourself dwindling in a certain space, a certain position and thats where I have been for the (sigh) last few years and I now realize a portion of this complacency partly stems from fear. Fear is all relative but boy is it a MFer. I stayed because I was guaranteed a good paycheck. I mastered the art of bullshitting on the phone so well I did it during naps in front of my computer. "I love you boy" "when we gon do it" "Im upset with you" text messages while apologizing about some crap that wasnt my fault. I truly was in my comfort zone. Still am because I still work there only difference is, is now that is on the backburner to what I think I want to do now. I truly will never know what I want to do but im taking a chance on this and failure is not an option. Too much is riding on this and besides I cant fail. Failure is not trying something out and having the desired outcomes. Thats called trail &error. All youve merely done is found another something that doesnt work that way. What failure is is NOT trying, not giving yourself a chance to succeed. Spending nights wondering "If I did this XYZ time ago I wonder...." Those days for me are over. Theres a bible verse that always stood out to me to the point that I crossed out Abrams name and put my name in his place.

Genesis 12: 1-3

1 The LORD had said to Abram (Farrah), "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you.
2 "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing.
3 I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you."

Says alot because when you step out on your own, you have no choice but to succeed. All you have is you and GOD. Its easy to stay in a comfortable surrounding, stay in what you know. I dare you to step out. My current position allows me to put me first. Do some soul searching knowing that finding myself will in actuality be me putting my son first. That now makes money making my 3rd option for now. Theres a season for everything and right now my season is designed for self discovery.


Ego tripping....Yea I gotta be bold, gotta have tough skin. This journey isnt for the weak or insecure. You have to be secure in yourself bc THE CREATOR went out of his way to make us all different but we all fight to be the same. One girl get her lip pierced......everybody got it. 1 dude rocked skinny jeans and now everyone is rocking them. I dare you to stand out and be different and im okay with getting the side eye. You'll eventually catch on like you always do

Hotep

I closed my eyes and I unplugged.....

The time have come where it really is time for a change. I have decided to delete my Myspace. Though it hasnt been used in ages, I got attached to the comfort of knowing that it was there. I really dont see a need for it anymore besides exposing my Santana and showing my ass figuratively and literally. Anyone that knows me know that Farrah is all about embracing change. I was going over this in my mind and No I didnt meditate on it. Growth kinda solidifys change when it is time. This change was always in the making and it took for Neo to unplug from the Matrix. I prepared for the deletion by creating a Facebook and I HATE it. Ironic huh? Never considered making one and with my back being against the wall I did and the experience is horrible. Im running into old highschool friends that have gotten fat and just all weird with beards. People that I forgot about or didnt even care to hear from again are now coexistent online. Some of the biggest dorks are still irrelevant and all the highschool shones are now church women. Like we can really forget about you doing the whole football team in the boys locker room (fact, not rumor) just because you now keep a bible avatar and scriptures on your wall....ANYWAYS, I have adopted the nature of the American Indian where silence doesnt mean lack of interest or disrespect it infact means the opposite. It is because I respect each and every last one of you guys that Im going through with this. Not just the Myspace but social websites period. Nothing personal if this is your "thing" I just realized that if it werent for Myspace, Facebook, blackplanet (do ppl still use this website?), Moco/Mogo space?? and whatever social site is out (im still liking twitter, but evidently that too must also go)would I want to know if Ben and Laury made it through highschool? Do I really want to compliment on your pictures? I was taught that if you dont have nothing nice to say, dont say anything at all. Actually I was never taught this, I just know that I shouldnt tell you that your daughter got the ugliest widows peak and and all your worst features....Im getting off subject, Im just realizing that there are a select few that I make it my duty to call, text, email, plan outtings with on a regular bases. Those who never needed the K.I.T message because we never lost touch and im realizing that theres a reason why some of them didnt make it to my future. How they got lost in the cracks of "i'll call u backs" and "I got a new phone must update the new numbers". Anything, something that indicates youre much more than a page a phony message and an occasional shout out on your comments and No I will never select the No option when you comment on my page "Do you like me?" Theres a reason that you didnt make it into my future, why you dont know whats happening in my life now and most importantly why we are no longer friends. Friend back then carried a different meaning. The adolecent age (12-19) development task is Identity vs. Confusion. That means youre young at the stage, still trying to come to terms with who you are and what role you will play in this society. Believe me, I am far from confused about who I am and what I am to do. I needed these friends then, they comforted me when my mom wouldnt let me get a relaxer back then. They stood in line with me when the new Js came out and rocked them first to class, and if we didnt wear them first, we didnt want them. And now I realized, im good. I dont need these people to validate me, Im well past knowing if the thoughts that I do think are the right ones, if the decisions I make will have me standing alone? I have in all honesty outgrown you, congrats on the new babys, congrats on the new wife, the wedding. You my friend have done your part So why am I trying to hold on to my youth? im a woman now...its my SUNs turn to SHINE. You people have served your purpose and have served it well. I dont need a congregation. I now move in silence...blessings, adieu whatever, however this is my final goodbye

Jump in the air (stay there)

In an industry where it is easy to be another Beyonce with meaningless content, E.badu proves to us the reason why she is everlasting and more influential then I think that she even knows. She stands out with her creative individualism and dare I say BOLD silent manuevers. You know videos and messages like this get no mainstream play so enjoy Her newest video;



Now whats hot is that she pays homage to the womb-man in an inconspicuous manner. Being that this is a mans world women do not often get the praise or honor that she deserves. The womb-man is the light bringer and its awesome to see her share/shed light on Wayne in the time that he needs it most.. So in the text of Badu

FREE WAYNE

These are a few of my favorite things....

We struggle. I mean we really work HARD. Its hard to give thanks to and for the things that you really work for/towards. Ever heard KISS (keep it simple stupid)? That is my motto. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. AKA instead of being upset about getting to work late, look at it as an excuse to not deal with that BS customer that you just knew would send your day down a terrible dark path for 8hrs. Through the hustle and bustle of our day to day we forget to truly smile. Im just giving back to the things that have me smiling when I think about them. What are some of your favorite things? What gets you high (naturally, that it)? I have plenty more but I didn’t wanna drag this out… know that even with this list im making at work on my lunch break I get a strong nostalgic feeling that washes over me and have me warm and in an unexplainable comfort zone. So enjoy the list:


· My Santana’s Face
· Untangled Fro
· His boxers ON ME
· Blue Papermate Pen
· Anticipation
· Running in the rain
· Running….period
· Finding money in your pocket
· Just Because
· Baking goodies with the little ones
· My Santana smile
· Blue bag of Skittles
· Contagious Laughter
· The color purple (not the movie)
· Colorful socks
· A school girl crush
· Destiny's Child T~Shirt
· the perfect this to go with that
· Learning
· BUILDING
· Warm back rubs
· Early Morning Love making
· pedicured toes
· Watching the Sunrise
· Star gazing
· A clean bathroom
· Purple bag of skittles
· Snow Angels
· Being WOKE
· PUNCH-DRUNK LOVE
· Swing contest on the playground
· Him playing in my hair
· Family play time
· A good listener
· Laughing just because
· A pencil with an eraser that doesn’t leave stains
· Truth
· 2-ply
· Enough Time
· A warm hoodie with dark shades
· A&F (phuck it)
· A sneeze
· Dreams
· Snuggling
· Crocheting
· Feeling that first kick
· Great workout
· Saturday morning cartoons and cereal in a huge salad bowl
· Warm gooey chocolate chip cookies and ice cold soy milk
· A rainbow
· Mary Poppins and all childhood musicals
· Meaningful Poetry
· Paid Vacations
· Shopping without a budget
· Full tank of gas
· Endless possibilities
· TRUTH
· Leaving work
· Justice
· Quiet storm
· A high quality banana clip
· Hour lunches
· Yawn
· Pretty Panties
· Traveling
· Girls nite in
· Being catered to
· Catering to him
· Bubble baths
· Destroyed jeans
· Write, relate, release
· Enticing book
· Destroyed Jeans
· Lifestyle changes
· That after workout burn
· Reminiscing
· High Quality digital camara
· Stilettos’
· Lil Debbie Snacks
· Playing Punch Buggy
· Conciousness
· Being aware
· Yoga
· Chocolate covered strawberries
· Godiva
· Vanilla bean fraps with extra whipped crème
· Giddy- Laughter
· Enough toilet paper in a public bathroom (feeling like Elaine)
· Following out a plan
· Warm gain scented sheets
· Moving into your own place
· The beach
· The beach
· The beach (I love the water)
· Success
· Following out a plan
· Realizing that Im truly in love with myself

Loving you...

Not a fan of Valentine's day (or most holidays for that matter). Now I enjoy candy, chocolate, roses and tokens of love. I just dont see the point in having 1 day designated to showing love when love should be exemplified everyday through action and No, im not hurt, angry, bitter, lonely or whatever cliche fits the black woman today, It was a concious decision to not celebrate it. Im not here to preach or force thoughts or belief (research the origin of Saint Valentines day) just sharing. Now if V-days intention was in the right place, then by all means I would celebrate. Thinking about how they get u when youre young with candy and treats and inconspicuous cards with lolli-pops and not one message conveys the pertinant piece of the equation is you. All the physicalities explored without having an understanding of the emotional. So now we have a whole heap of people running around purchasing gifts for others without the first clue of how to love themselves. This isnt the case for all but we look outward for whats supposed to shine inside out and draw this person in. For those celebrating Valentine remember the ones you love and most importantly remember you. While yall using tonight as an excuse to experiment ill be breaking out the lingerie and whip cream because its the norm and we dont need no holiday to get it in!! *wink*

Lets be honest

So when I decided to create this blog my 1st thought; I have so many questions and so many thoughts on life in general and I know I mustn't be alone. Thought 2; I will create a forum and its going to be huge and its going to make a difference. I even vowed to write everyday. THEN there was a test, then rearranging, and then "" and then "" and after 2days the everyday thing kinda fell through. Even for me to sit down and create the last blog was a toughy. I had all the pictures, what I wanted to say mentally noted and even the sidebars for the smiles, the only thing I didn't have was time. So back to the drawing board. I know the direction that I would love to go with this. No set line. Just normal day to day stuff and ummmm yea building. Realizing it will not be overnight. Dont fret, if you don't hear from me in a couple of days its only because I am experiencing life. When I come back I promise I will have something relatively good to share. Till next time!!!!

My Trip to the Farmers Market

Seems like earth really conspires to work in my favor. Have been in a transitioning period from carnivorous to Ph.D (which according to Queen Afua is a purified diet that would consist of 100% pure air and pure water) for about 3years. I of course will never reach that level because frankly food still satisfies that lower level of me that I just refuse to ignore. Plus in order to be a Ph.D we would first have to cleanse the earth. In any case im still forever transitioning really because I just don't know what else or even how else to give up the meat. SO I started googling, networking and coming across alternatives to what is supposed to give us life but in actuality takes from it. Always heard some of the people I follow on YOUTUBE discuss their local farmers market inquired about it and was told to look one up in my area. I don't remember the results..Cant remember if I looked and didn't find or if I just didn't care anymore (going with the latter). In any-case I came across one about 20minutes away from my house on accident and voila...health, belongingness, and peace. Felt like a giant with all the tiny fruits.

Enjoy the pics:

Upon entrance I was greeted with

lol that and being the only ink stain on a sheet of paper


1st stop citrus products

Notice below the name of LARGE grapefruit...yet it appears to be the same size as a regular grapefruit that can be found in your local supermarket (Publix &/or Walmart being mine)



Nothing special to say about the oranges


Found this next picture particularly interesting. Ive never seen a watermelon like this




most watermelons I am familiar with or even remotely use to seeing tend to appear like


Being on the fruit matter




Oh and cant forget my darling apples...actually used 1 in my veggie juice mix this morning and that 1 was enough to sweeten the deal



I think I am the only person I know that do not consider strawberries as much of an aphrodisiac as t.v portrays it to be....They can be used to whiten teeth though



And this apricot, just gorgeous...perfect




Last on the list is the avocado...is it a fruit, is it a vegetable??? I don't know, its good all the same

I think this is a fruit because it does have a seed, right?


My hand is ginormous compared to this




This



Is a Persian Cucumber...didnt research this so don't hold this as a reliable source but according to a Jewish woman that I met shopping there, she says that the correct term is actually Isreali Cucumber. It orginally is from Jerusalum but due to the politics the name went from Israeli Cucumber to Persian "but we know the truth" she says with a Long Island accent and a wink...I winked back!!


On to the greenery




For the beginners, prepackaged herbs (Thanks Josh)




You see the difference in the herbs just by sight...but I dont have a clue as to what these herbs are. The novice organic shoppers were picking these things up by the handful like they were running out. I hope to get to that point where I will just know what all these herbs are and what they can do

Dandelion (Just because purple is my favorite color)



Never seen an artichoke in its orginal state, Always seen it after its been mixed and blended with spinach, cheese, and tortilla chips...(To self: Im learning)



This is also a great place to find Bee Pollen and Honey



Bee Pollen contains high levels of vitamin B and is also known as the "perfect food". Didn't believe in pills so as a pregnant woman bee pollen was the only vitamin I consumed, that and healthy eating and I had an almost perfect pregnancy. Dont try this at home. I just made a concious decision to not take prenatals when all the women in my pregnancy support group kept getting sick from all the prenatals and were told to take them before bed that way you would be nauseous in your sleep (my drs words not mine). Honey is also a good sugar alternative. Maple syrup, agave nectar and brown sugar if you must. Gotta get rid of the bleached stuff...has a negative impact on your body. Imagine how you feel seeing an albino roach, not normal leading to


Organic Brown Rice

Beginning Vegetarian should use this instead of white rice. As one progresses through their level of mastery all rice should be eliminated from your lifestyle change (not diet because when I think of diet I think of losing weight, and if you can lose the weight, you can always find it again)

and finally as an island gal spices and flavors are important to me



Dont know how organic this is but its in the store so...hmmm

There is hope for the ones that are seeking a different lifestyle that includes better life and better eats in the Southern Florida region. Traveling back and forth to Georgia my family usually stop at the little Indian mom and pop shops for our fruits and vegetables then hit Sevenandas up big to bring back down to Miami...Glad to have found my LOCAL farmers market. I encourage you to do the same




...on my way home stopped for some essentia....life without this drink will never be the same truly feel better after drinking it and most importantly it doesnt have an expiration date or leave any residual particles (aftertaste) that most bottled water leave. Felt pressured to finish off my case of aquafina for fear that it would waste lol

"I wanna be mean, and throw mud pies..."

...Not really but it sure would be fun to see the reaction of the one getting mashed in the face by it. Even funner than that is being the bad girl. I really am not a bad girl, I just have the tendency from time to time to want to be evil and out right atrocious. I would love the freedom of jumping in a puddle without rain boots and spoiling my dress. And yes I would truly get a thrill out of throwing water filled balloons out of a high-rise and splashing every oblivious creature walking down below, heck, for the fun of it I would love to go to the movie theaters and change my seat from time to time just so that I can step on everybody's feet. Soon as I've finally decided to settle in I would then cheer for the bad guy who in his own sense is the star. He is the reason that we came out right? You see this bad girl right here (yea, me) I'm kind of a big deal and just like every bad girl I'm looking for my bad guy, my tall dark and handsome rude boy with boyish good looks chocolate something. I want him, so verily crave his attention and need him not to validate but to compliment my yin with his yang. Not only is the bad guy flat out arousing but best of all him, bad guy like me, bad girl has the potential to get better....

Beginnings Of a Beautiful Friendship

Im awake...Just got through working on something colossal....I mean BIG! In any case, im through and cant bring myself to turn in to my warm bed. Instead I sit on this hard, cold floor...Grow with me build with me...this may infact be the busiest year of my life...literally. Im confident because hard work pays off....little about myself. I am a mother, a student, daughter, and creator. I am also all the goods that epitomize the makings of a complex gemini, a connoisseur of art and all facets of self expression, Oh and now I can pen blogger under my belt as well ...Naturally I will share my thoughts, cares, and my beliefs. They may not be right but they are mine and make perfect sense to me and are subject to change because I am constantly evolving and learning...sometimes I learn things twice...Feel free to share with me and interact with me. I am always open for suggestion.

I bid adieu and bless you with the poem that inspired the blogname....

Nikki Giovanni

Ego Tripping (there may be a reason why)

I was born in the congo
I walked to the fertile crescent and built
the sphinx
I designed a pyramid so tough that a star
that only glows every one hundred years falls
into the center giving divine perfect light
I am bad

I sat on the throne
drinking nectar with allah
I got hot and sent an ice age to europe
to cool my thirst
My oldest daughter is nefertiti
the tears from my birth pains
created the nile
I am a beautiful woman

I gazed on the forest and burned
out the sahara desert
with a packet of goat's meat
and a change of clothes
I crossed it in two hours
I am a gazelle so swift
so swift you can't catch me

For a birthday present when he was three
I gave my son hannibal an elephant
He gave me rome for mother's day
My strength flows ever on

My son noah built new/ark and
I stood proudly at the helm
as we sailed on a soft summer day
I turned myself into myself and was
jesus
men intone my loving name
All praises All praises
I am the one who would save

I sowed diamonds in my back yard
My bowels deliver uranium
the filings from my fingernails are
semi-precious jewels
On a trip north
I caught a cold and blew
My nose giving oil to the arab world
I am so hip even my errors are correct
I sailed west to reach east and had to round off
the earth as I went
The hair from my head thinned and gold was laid
across three continents

I am so perfect so divine so ethereal so surreal
I cannot be comprehended except by my permission

I mean...I...can fly
like a bird in the sky..,